Do you have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce?
Excuse me.
My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.
Mm!
In the past five months...
...I think I've breathed freely, with both sides working, maybe a week total.
I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.
I hadn't smoked for 13 years.
I kept the last cigarette from my last pack.
I said if I never smoke this one cigarette...
...I'll never smoke again, period.
13 years I kept that cigarette.
Here.
I had this little case made for it.
See?
13 years.
And then, one Thursday afternoon...
...Barbara came to see me.
And when she left...
You know where I am if you change your mind.
Barbara and Oliver Rose.
You'd have heard of 'em, except I kept what happened out of the papers.
I think you should hear the story, though. It might matter to you.
I won't start the clock yet.
My fee is $450 an hour.
When a man who makes $450 an hour wants to tell you something for free...
...you should listen.
They met... Great.
They agreed on that.
But, the way I saw it, the poor bastards never had a chance.
It was the final day of the season in Nantucket.
A nor'easter was blowing the last of the tourists off the island.
The next item up for bid is an exquisite Japanese carving, circa 1700.
A rare relief of a Shinto goddess, very richly detailed.
- The intricacies of the Orient... - $10!
I have $10 from the premature young man in the grey raincoat.
- Do I hear 15? - 11.
$11. Ladies and gentlemen, please, do I hear 15?
- 20. - $20. I have $20, ladies and gentlemen.
Do I hear 25 for this exceptionally exotic item?
- $30. - 31.
$31. All right, I have $31, ladies and gentlemen. Is this my final offer?
Ladies and gentlemen, 31, going once...
- $40. - $40! 40. Do I hear 45?
- 50. Five-0. - $50. I have $50. Do I hear 60?
- $50, going once. Going twice.
Sold... to the pretty lady in the white sweater.
- Do you know how much it's worth? - Doesn't matter. I'm not selling.
$250.
Well, I guess I have a good eye.
I gotta catch the last ferry.
Wait a minute. Let me carry that for you. Here. Put this on.
Oh!
- I love the rain. - God, I love it, too.
I know what you're thinking. Harvard Law, woo, woo, woo! But I got a scholarship.
I'm not rich or anything. I'm brilliant.
- What about you? - I'm not rich or brilliant.
- Where are you going to school? - Madison. I got a scholarship. Gymnastics.
I don't know, though. My body's getting kinda big.
It looks, uh...
Like a pendulum - the longer it is, the slower you move.
My vaults and tumbling aren't what they were. My strength moves are good.
Your strength moves?
- I love Nantucket.
Oh! I'm gonna miss the ferry.
- Thanks for walking me. Bye. - Wait! What's your name?
Barbara!
Wait a second! I've got a great idea!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Never, never, never apologise for being multi or gasmic.
I honestly didn't know I was.
Oh, bless you!
Bless you.
If we end up together...
...then this is the most romantic day of my whole life.
And if we don't...
...then I'm a complete slut.
This is the story we're gonna tell our grandchildren.
- Uh-oh.
Uh-oh!
It's the return of the bald avenger.
# And a happy New Year
# We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas
# We wish you a merry Christmas on Sesame Street
OK, that's the sixth time. Now turn it off, honey.
Merry Christmas, Bird.
- Honey, give me those papers. - Say please.
- Please. - No.
- Where are they? - I don't got.
- Nice try. - Thanks.
Hello! Mom's home!
- Get over here, you squeezy! Squozy!
Ohh, up we go!
Come on, you.
- All right. - Hi, honey.
Yeah, now you go in that chair. Got it?
Well, you're gonna go in this one, lady.
- Hey! I got you... - Is that for me?
- There's green for you. - Oh, thanks.
And it's red for you.
- It's not a good idea to give them sweets. - Oh, no. It is.
I read that kids who are deprived of sweets and candies all the time...
...they get obsessed by it and they turn out to be obese.
Kids who get it all the time, it's no big deal - they turn out normal.
And... here.
Being a waitress on Christmas Eve's very profitable.
- What do you think, guys? - Ah! Nice!
OK.
What do you think?
Hmm...
- Looks like tin foil. - No, you're right. It doesn't make it.
I'll learn.
- Let's go for a walk. - I gotta finish this.
- Just a quick stroll. Come on. - It's freezing outside. It's snowing.
Yes. And I'm still asking you to take a walk.
Why, huh?
- Where are we going? - Just to the corner.
Barbara, I have work to do. I can't be walking around here in the snow.
OK, we're at the corner. So what do you wanna do now? Walk back?
- No, I wanna go for a ride in your car. - I don't have a car.
- You got me a Morgan? - Yes!
Oh, ho, ho!
I don't believe it! A Morgan! A Morgan!
- The cook's brother brought it from England. - It's got a little rust. I'll restore it.
- How much you pay? - It's a present. I used my money.
Your money is our money. Can we afford this?
You are gonna be so successful, this may be our last opportunity to worry about money.
Come on! Here. Get in. It's a right-hand drive.
- Well, are you happy? - I'm more than happy. I'm way past happy.
I'm married.
Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?
And it was.
My father used to say: "There are four things that tell the world who a man is. "
"His house, his car, his wife, and his shoes. "
Oliver didn't have the house yet, but he was definitely moving up in the world.
He'd only been with the firm six months...
...when he decided to have the senior partners over to his new apartment for dinner.
He had his eye on the future.
So did I.
# Pretty lady, lovely lady
# May I have this dance with you?
# Can I hold...
Ah, what a night!
Elke, Elke. Wait a minute.
We're eating with elderly people now. Keep that closed.
- Where you been? Come on! - Oliver, this is Elke.
- Elke, this is Oliver. - Hi.
Come on. Come on.
Here is to Oliver and Gavin...
...for a job well done on Kentucky versus Brunswick Coal.
Hear, hear!
- Hell of a litigation. - Thank you.
I couldn't have done it without you, Oliver.
This man has a face juries can't help but believe.
Gavin told the state attorney general that if he didn't settle...
...next election he'd be running as a gelding.
Well, let's drink up.
- Good night, Mom. - Oh! Good night, sweethearts.
- Mom? - Yeah?
Can I take some more dessert to our room?
OK! Time for bed. Let's go.
- Guess not. - Kiss... Kiss.
Kiss Daddy.
- Good night, sweetheart. - Good night.
- Good night, buddy. - Good night, Dad.
Sleep well.
I used to be chubby as a kid. Yeah.
- Let's eat. - Yeah.
Oh, my!
Whatever flavour is this?
No, don't tell me. Let me think now. Uh...
- It isn't apples. - You make something with apples.
- No. Unless you mean baked apples? - Prunes?
No. Wait a minute. Um... This is a very special taste...
- Raisins! - It isn't pears.
Um... fresh fig with, uh... a little cognac.
- Figs! I never would have thought of figs! - I never would have guessed.
- Mm. It's fantastic, isn't it, Elke? - Mm-hm.
It's absolutely spectacular.
- Mrs Marshall, more wine? - Please.
- Your crystal is lovely. - Thank you.
- It's not Waterford. - Baccarat.
Then we are paying our associates too much!
Actually, we got it quite reasonably.
It's... It's kind of an interesting story.
Why don't you tell it, Barb?
Well... we were in Paris...
It was our fifth anniversary.
Mm.
We'd had lunch in this wonderful place in the market district, called the Pa-day Crishon.
- Pied de Cochon. - Thanks.
We were wandering around and we came upon the...
...Rue de Paradis...
...where the Baccarat has its factory and museum.
I didn't know about this before I met Oliver.
My mother bought her glasses at the A&P.
You know, the kind with the raised flowers that always chipped off after a few weeks.
- They were always yellow, remember? - Heh-heh-heh!
Anyway, here we were in this immense room filled with all that Baccarat had ever made.
A field of crystal. It was so... so pretty.
I mean, I felt...
...whatever the word.
And suddenly, from the next room, we heard the sound of glass breaking.
Well, I looked at Oliver and Oliver looked at me, and then... Oh, ye... No.
Before that, there was this big, black limousine.
Now, this is important. Well, before the limousine...
To make a long story short, a couple had ordered a design for their anniversary.
When it was ready, they were getting a divorce.
The woman had smashed her half...
...and I convinced the man to sell us his half cheap -just to spite her.
Heh-heh-heh-heh!
And, uh... that's our Baccarat story.
Well, I think everybody had a great time, don't you?
- To make a long story short, no. - I'm sorry. You were just rambling on...
Tell your own story next time you care so desperately what everybody thinks.
Fuckface!
- They're my bosses. - They're Gavin's bosses, too.
It didn't stop him from getting a foot job at dinner.
Gavin doesn't care about making partner. He doesn't have a wife and kids. I do.
You wanna keep living in this apartment?
Because you do not buy a house on an associate's salary.
At least, not the kind of house that we want.
OK, I care what they think. I care, all right? I care.
Shoot me.
And that phoney laugh.
- "Heh-heh-heh... " - That was a genuine laugh.
"Heh-heh-heh-heh... "
OK. All right, all right! Maybe I overdid it.
I was just trying to keep things going.
God, I hope they didn't notice what a jerk I am.
They never seem to.
"Dear Homeowner...
...I love your house!"
"If you ever consider selling, please... contact me. "
"Barbara Rose. "
Mom! I'm gonna be late for practice!
You've been doing this for a year and nobody's called.
This is a great house. I love this house.
It's a waste of time.
I bet I get this house. Five bucks.
Five bucks.
Man!
- Hello. - Oh! I was just leaving a note.
How kind. Please, won't you come in?
All right.
I don't believe we've met.
- Barbara Rose. - I'm Maureen.
I don't remember Mother mentioning you, but she had so many friends.
Oh! Oh, I'm very sorry.
Thank you. She went peacefully.
What am I going to do with this old place?
I just can't bear to put it up for sale and have a bunch of strangers tromping through it.
If I could just find someone who would love it as much as Mom did.
That's more important to me than whatever money we get for it.
If you know anybody who might be interested...
- Can we go up and pick our rooms? - We can do whatever we want. It's our house.
Who gets first pick? As if I had to ask.
Oh, don't get scared. We'll do it together.
I just feel kind of strange.
I mean, this house is so beautiful...
...and we live here.
This is who we are? This is me?
Mmm!
- I'll be home early. - Where are you going?
To work. I wish I didn't have to, but somebody's got to pay for all this.
- It's Saturday. - Come on, this is a great day.
You got the fun part!
Kitchen first.
Everything was working for the Roses.
Let me restate that.
The Roses were working for everything.
Over the next six years, Oliver dug in. Made senior partner.
The kids lopped off 70, 80 pounds.
And Barbara laboured seven days a week...
...to create the perfect home that Oliver always dreamed of.
Not easy for a girl who grew up drinking her milk...
...from glasses with chipped, yellow flowers.
There were a million choices... and she sweated every one of 'em.
She refinished all the tables herself.
It took six months to get the floors exactly right.
A hundred Sundays to find the perfect Staffordshire figures and plates...
... that she put over the fireplace.
When you work that hard on something...
... eventually you have to finish and face the awful question:
"What's left to do?"
- Are you working? - Yes. Is it important?
Yes. Kind of. I hope so.
Stephanie Mayes called to say thank you for dinner the other night.
She said the pâté I made was so good I should go into business.
So I asked her if she really meant it and she said she did...
...so I took a pound over to her and collected $35.
I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to make money.
- You sold liver to our friends? - She paid me in cash, Oliver.
Somehow that felt different from the money I get cashing a cheque.
It made me feel like... trading in the Volvo on one of those...
...four-wheel drive things with the big, knobby tyres and the 200-horsepower engine.
So I did. I'm gonna pick it up tomorrow.
Thank you so much for telling me.
And you think that you... need this? I mean, the Volvo was a fine car.
- I'll pay for it with my own money. - How much does it cost?
All right, I know it was kind of crazy but I just... wanted it, OK?
25,000.
So you only have to sell 700 more pounds of pâté.
Maybe I will. Maybe I'm starting a business.
- But if you don't want me to, uh... - No. No, no, no, no. You do it.
Do it. Do it.
I'm doing it.
Wait a minute. Wait one minute. I do not understand. What's the, uh...
...what's the attitude?
I told you I would handle it.
Yeah, and I didn't see anything happening so I went to Ed and I set up the interview.
- I would have done it. - Yeah, but sometimes you need a little push.
We all need a little push.
We agreed that, if you're doing this liver bit...
...we would need someone to take care of the house, right?
Right, Oliver. Right again.
Oh, come on. Let's not argue, OK? Just think about it for a minute!
If you don't want to interview the lady, I will send her home.
I'm only trying to make your life easier.
Somehow the thought of a stranger living in my house just seems weird, you know?
Doesn't it? I don't mean just for us, but for you, too.
- Oh, but then I guess you do this all the time. - No, no.
I try this as a means of finding room and board and a little money.
I'm also attending a few classes at William and Mary College.
- But that won't interfere with my duties. - Well...
That's great. I'm happy for you - really.
- So, do I get the job? - The fact is, Susan, I don't need a live-in.
This was my husband's suggestion.
I have raised two kids on my own and now they're about to go off to college.
- They were both accepted at Harvard. - Mm, that's a nice school, too.
Thanks.
So anyway, it'll just be Oliver and me here at home.
Although I am getting going my own catering business.
But let's face it, I don't need to work for the money.
And that does not make me one of these women who is married to a successful man...
...and has dedicated her life to him and her children...
...and then has to validate herself as a human being, because her children are leaving her...
...by studying photography or opening an art gallery...
...or going into interior design in her husband's office. No!
I have a wonderful house, crammed with beautiful things.
I did this house myself. I did a great job.
Not that I am necessarily a slave to materialism. No.
But I am proud of what I have accomplished...
...although I suppose some people find my life disgusting. Disgusting is too strong a word.
No, I would not say that many people would respect the choices I have made...
...although women would. Women like me.
But then I don't care what they think because I can't stand who they are.
What I'm trying to say, Susan, is that I don't need a live-in.
Well... thanks for the interview and good luck, and God bless you.
I would like you to understand...
...that, if I were to hire you, my life would probably change.
You would be this new element in the house.
Well...
Let me show you where your room is.
Hey. Hey! Hey, Bennie. Dumb dog.
Hey, Bennie!
- Come on. Let's see if he'll go for it again.
Bennie! Hi-yah!
Yeah, dumb.
Oh, the Bennie boy. The Bennie-Bennie-Bennie boy. Yes.
He's the best boy. He's the best boy! We love our good boy.
He's a good boy! We love our Bennie boy.
Yes, a pretty dog! He's a pretty dog!
Rose residence.
- Susan, is that for me? - It's for Josh.
- Are you expecting a call? - Jason Larrabee said he'd confirm lunch.
I'm trying to land him as a client.
The word around town is he's up for a Cabinet post. I wish he'd call.
He will.
Did you get a chance to look over that contract for me?
- What contract? - On the consulate luncheon I'm doing.
- Oh, yeah. No, but I'll read it this weekend. - OK.
No. No, not OK.
I have to sign it tomorrow. I gave it to you last week, but it's probably fine.
- I'll read it now. - Oh, no, don't bother.
No. Get it.
Sure.
What?! What is it?
It's a fly. Where'd it go?
On the fridge.
Stay upwind of him.
Aha! How about that?
Not bad, huh?
- I admire your technique.
Hello.
Mr Larrabee, hi. How are you? No! No, no, it's not too late.
Could you hang on just one second while I use the other phone?
Thank you.
Yes, sir. I'm looking forward to that, too.
No, no, no. Course you're not bothering me.
Lawyers, we never sleep. Heh-heh-heh!
I'm available to you, sir, 24 hours a...
Who left the appliances on in the kitchen? It sounds like who knows what!
I must have hit some switches when I was cleaning up. You know how that can happen.
I got great news.
Lunch is on tomorrow with Larrabee.
I'm gonna meet him at his club in Philadelphia.
He's mine!
Look how crazy you are about yourself right now.
- I'm sorry. - Don't apologise.
I live with the assumption that all guys owe an apology to the woman they live with.
You're so full of shit.
So, where's that little contract of yours?
Maybe I can up your price, huh?
Where is it?
- You sure it's all right? - My fee's going up.
Better get me while you can afford me.
- I don't want you to read it. - Let me have it.
I got you and I'm not gonna let you get away!
Let me go.
Let me go! Let go!
Let go of it! Let go!
Ah, Jesus!
Whoo! Whoo, whoo!
- Ooh!
You think you're pretty strong, don't you?
What the hell is wrong with you?
If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.
If she doesn't answer, that's trouble.
And when trouble begins, it comes at you from directions you'd never expect.
Oliver was a sitting duck.
I think you're gonna be very well served by our firm...
...especially if the rumours are true.
Well, there may be a Senate confirmation hearing in my future.
- We could definitely be of help with that. - Yes. Waiter... Ohh!
- What's the matter? - Nothing. I'm fine.
- Could I have some more coffee, please? - Certainly, sir.
Regarding your Senate confirmation...
...it may not be a bad idea for us to have your personal asset liability...
- Oliver?
Do you think you're having a heart attack?
- Call an ambulance! - Wipe that stuff off his chin.
- Hang in there, Oliver. - Call my wife.
You're doing just fine.
- Somebody called for the defibrillator. - Right here.
How's it goin'?
You may be the only person I'm doing better than.
The wife stabbed me in the stomach.
With a nail file this time.
- She's training to be a manicurist. - Oh.
- They make good money, you know? - I'm trying to get a doctor for you, babe.
They always feel bad after.
Mr Rose? I'm Dr Gordon. This is my associate.
- Dr Hillerman. Jason Larrabee called us. - How are his vital signs?
- We were here first. - We'll be with you in just a moment.
Babes, take it easy. Can't you see the guy's dying over here?
- Did someone call my wife? - Yes.
I need to write her a note... in case she doesn't get here in time.
- Let's get him to CICU. - Jeff, let's go.
I'll get the pen back once we get there.
- Is my wife here? - I don't think so.
Get me some pictures. Upper GI.
You're gonna have to swallow some barium. But you'll like it. It's peppermint flavoured.
Nothing is more important than the hors d'oeuvres.
That's where people make their first judgment.
Perdóname, señora. La señora Rose ha recibido una llamada urgente.
- There's an urgent phone call for you. - Oh.
Hello?
Oh, God!
Oh, my God! All right. I'm leaving right now.
- My husband's had a heart attack. - That happened to my mother.
Don't worry. Your luncheon's gonna be terrific. Everything's gonna be great.
The x-rays showed an oesophageal tear. It's commonly known as a hiatal hernia.
Right there.
The pain symptoms are identical to angina.
Stress, coffee, spicy foods, gas.
Your nerve endings get irritated. You know what that's like. Not pleasant, but not fatal.
Could you get this hiatal hernia, say...
...by being squeezed between someone's legs?
No.
- So I'm not going to die? - Eventually, but not today.
Thank you.
- You can wait right here. - Thank you.
Oliver! You're alive!
Yeah, it was something else. It wasn't the heart, it was a rip. A tear.
You're alive!
- So what are you gonna do? - Wait for Barbara to pick me up.
- I'll wait with you. - Good.
Think we can get that nurse to come back here with a bottle of musk oil?
- She should be here any minute. - Yeah.
It's stuffy in these places.
- I got us enough booze for the whole trip. - Thanks.
I couldn't remember whether you wanted a twist, so I got you some just in case.
Thank you, Gavin.
- Salud. - Salud.
All those lives going on out there...
People we'll never meet... experiencing things we'll never know.
We can't know.
In your own life, by this point, you think you know what's gonna be but...
- But you don't know. - You don't know.
It's always just when you think you got it figured out...
...when, bingo, something comes along and knocks you right on your ass.
Why do you think Barbara didn't come to the hospital?
I don't know. She probably had a good reason.
Hiya, Bennie. Come here, sweetheart.
Where is everybody, huh?
I guess you're the only one who gives a damn about me in this family.
Oliver!
You don't know how happy I am to see you!
- You didn't come to the hospital. - No.
No. Well, I called and...
...well, everything seemed to be... under control.
I just... I didn't want to disturb you.
Disturb me? Well, I wasn't doing much. Just dying.
Oliver! You weren't dying.
- You didn't even call. - Of course I did. I talked to someone.
- Not to me. - Well, I talked to a nurse and...
...she said that you weren't dying.
Well, I thought I was dying!
I wrote you a note... in case you didn't get there in time.
I can't read your handwriting.
I was on a gurney being rushed to Intensive Care in excruciating pain.
It says:
"My love, by the time you receive this, I may be gone. "
"My life was... fun...
...full... beyond my dreams. "
"All I have... and all I am, I owe to you. "
"You gave me courage to surpass what I know I am...
...the strength to... "
Oh, this is where I had a spasm.
Uh... I can't read it, but the next line says:
"I lie here, feeling my life ebb away. "
"I cling to your image. "
"I will take you with me to eternity. "
"I cherish you. "
"I thank merciful God for you. "
I didn't have the strength to sign it.
I'm... I'm sure they, um...
...they would've told me who it was from.
I can't believe you didn't call us at school, Mother.
I didn't see any point in alarming you until there was something to be alarmed about.
Your mother didn't want to disturb anybody today.
Yeah, well, you still should have called.
You should have.
I'm sure your mother didn't want to worry you needlessly.
The important thing is your father is alive.
We've always been a family that communicated.
If anything important happens, everyone should know about it.
That's the rule.
Yeah.
# Only you
# Can make this world seem right
# Only you, and you alone
# Can thrill me like you do
# And fill my heart with love
# For only you...
- What's going on? - I'm very upset.
It's 3 o'clock in the morning. Turn the television off.
I wasn't sure why I didn't go to the hospital, but now I think I know.
I'd just like to put today behind us, OK?
OK.
I was gonna drive to the hospital, but I knew you were OK.
Cos I never think that anything really terrible could happen to me or the kids or you.
And I was getting on the expressway...
...and suddenly I had this very strong feeling that you were dead.
And I knew what it would feel like to be alone in this house...
...to not have you in my life.
And I got so scared, I had to pull over.
Oh.
Well, you don't have to be scared any more.
I got scared because I felt happy.
You were happy because I was dead?
I was happy to be free.
Like a weight had been lifted.
- Like a weight had been lifted? - Yeah.
So, how am I supposed to respond? You tell me you wished I was dead?!
I thought it was important.
I think you owe me an apology, Barbara.
If you have something to say, I'd like to hear it.
I want a divorce.
No, you don't.
You can't have one!
I've thought about this a lot.
I really don't want to be married to you any more.
Why do you want a divorce?
Did... did I do something? Did I... did I not do something?
I can't give you specifics, Oliver.
- Well, try! - I don't want to try!
Is there somebody else? Another man?
No.
- A woman? - You wish.
I should be the one asking for a divorce!
I was rushed to hospital suffering from severe...
- Indigestion. - Oh-hoh-hoh...
Oh, you're such an expert at making me look like a jerk.
OK, OK, OK. I'm sorry.
I'm the bad person. Let's just blame me for this.
No! No. I think I need...
I think you owe me...
...after this many pretty goddamn good years of marriage, a solid reason.
I worked my ass off to make enough money to provide you with a good life...
...and you owe me a reason that makes sense.
So let's hear it. Come on. Let's hear it. Let's hear it!
Because...
...when I watch you eat...
...when I see you asleep...
...when I look at you lately...
...I just wanna smash your face in.
Come on, smash my face. Come on. You wanna smash my face?
The next time... I hit back.
And you'd better get yourself a damn good lawyer.
The best your money can buy.
- What does she want? - Child support.
I've always taken care of my kids.
And they will be 18 in one year, which makes it nice for you.
- What about alimony? - Barbara, against my advice, waives alimony.
I'm making money with my business. I get a lot of referrals. I can support myself.
Well, I'm a lucky guy.
My client is being more than fair, Mr Rose.
She's waived alimony and she's willing to waive her rights against your law practice...
...in exchange for the house and all of its contents, except your shaving gear and...
...his clothing?
- Everything I made went into that house. - I found that house.
Every piece of furniture is where it is because I put it there. It is my house.
If your client has finished yammering, explain to her...
...that a wife does not automatically get the house.
I thought you told her that she was entitled to anything and everything.
- I told her what? - Yes.
Here it is.
I quote: "My love...
...by the time you... "
Boy, what a handwriting.
"By the time you receive this, I may be gone. "
Uh... Blah, blah, blah...
"All I am and all I have, I owe to you. "
You wrote this, Mr Rose?
Excuse me, Mr Thurmont, you tiny, little, worm-like, infinitesimal prick...
...could I have a word with my wife, please?
Certainly.
If this is a who-can-sink-lowest-fastest contest, you won.
By showing him my letter...
...you have sunk below the deepest layer of prehistoric frog shit...
...at the bottom of a New Jersey scum swamp.
I may have let you have the house, but now...
...you'll never get it.
You will never get that house.
Do you understand?
You will never get that house.
- We'll see. - Yeah... we'll see.
Maybe I shouldn't have let you see that letter.
Dear girl, by the time this is all over...
...you'll think of today as one of your lighter moments.
What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
An excellent start.
I used to resent jokes like that.
Now I see them as simple truths.
- Lawyers...
Hello.
Honey, I can't talk right now. I'm with a client.
Love you, miss you, want you... Bye!
I recently married.
Which is the last thing I ever thought I'd do after what happened to the Roses.
When it comes to women... I hope I'm a better man now than I was.
I know I'm a better lawyer, when it comes to divorce.
I'll never make another mistake like I made with Oliver.
Let's just concentrate on the job at hand.
She wants the house. You want the house.
- I'm the one who's living in a hotel room! - Not for long.
- She claims she found the house. - She did find it, right?
Yeah, but that's not the point. She says she made it what it is. She didn't. She didn't.
I'm not keeping score but, if I were, it'd be about 83 to 6 in my favour.
Of all the really... good stuff.
Those wonderful Staffordshire dogs...
In fact, most of the Staffordshires, I found. And that Art-Deco rug and, uh...
And that stove in the kitchen? She wouldn't have bought it if I hadn't pushed her!
Shoes. That's what she's good at buying.
I gotta have shelves in the closet or she'd have them all over the place!
Here we go. You're gonna love this.
Civil Code, Title 16-9-0-4, Section C.
I used this once for a freebie divorce I did for my cousin Paulie. Total loser.
Read.
"For the purposes of subsections one and two of paragraphs... "
Here. Skip down to... "Parties who have pursued separate lives... "
"Parties who have pursued separate lives sharing neither bed nor board...
...shall be deemed to have lived apart...
...even though they reside under the same roof... "
Even though they reside under the same roof?
Yeah. The law was put on the books for poor people:
Folks who couldn't afford separate residences. But we can use it.
- So I can move back in. - If your divorce is settled in court...
...it shows you're committed to the property. Plus, you can see she doesn't sell the assets.
I can work on her, get her to fold on the house.
No. No, Oliver, you don't even deal with her. You avoid her.
Women can be a lot meaner than we think.
Never underestimate her as an adversary. Don't talk to her.
No, no, no, I won't. Don't worry about me.
- Gavin... thank you. - All right.